Marriage

An Emotional Affair

Lysa TerKeurst

"Flee from sexual immorality."

1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)

Devotion:

A few years ago, I watched a friend get tangled up in an emotional affair. She was a strong Christian woman who loved her family but the attraction to this other man seemed unavoidable. She tried to talk herself out of it but her heart played tricks on her mind, and the justifications for letting things continue down this path soon led her to a very dangerous place. She was becoming emotionally attached to this other man.

In a moment of desperation and fear, she confided in me what was going on. As she described how she got pulled into this place, I found myself being challenged by the realization of how subtly this had happened. She hadn't planned on being emotionally attracted to this other man. As a matter of fact, she'd always prided herself on being a woman of strong conviction and had scoffed at the idea of ever being tempted to have an affair.

It starts off simple enough - his comment that you mull over one too many times, a conversation in which you find a surprising connection, a glance that lingers just a second too long, or one of a thousand other interactions that seem innocent yet aren't. These are the dangerous seeds that can easily sprout into an emotional affair.

Some think it is a safe way to enjoy the lure of being attracted to someone other than your spouse without crossing any lines. But God boldly and plainly says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee from sexual immorality." God doesn't say walk away from sexual immorality. No, He says to flee as if your very life is at stake! The time to prevent an emotional affair is before it ever starts. For me to rest on my spiritual laurels and think that it could never happen to me, made me a prideful, open target for Satan.

Jesus warned his disciples in Matthew 26:41,"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." The Life Application NIV Bible commentary says, "Jesus used Peter's drowsiness to warn him about the kinds of temptation he would soon face. The way to overcome temptation is to keep watch and pray. Watching means being aware of the possibilities of temptation, sensitive to the subtleties, spiritually equipped to fight it."

Watching:

I now realize that I need to be aware that I am just as prone to this temptation as anyone. One of the best ways to be watchful is to be praying with and for my husband. We need to be open and honest about meeting each other's needs and investing wisely in our marriage. If we get into a rough place, we need to be willing to get help. I love the quote, "If you are busy rowing the boat, you won't have time to rock it." The more my husband and I are taking care of each other, the less attractive temptations will seem.

Sensitive to the Subtleties:

I will have to be honest with myself that temptations do exist. When another man says or does something I wish my husband would say or do and doesn't, it can make me lessen my husband in my heart and build up this other man. This is a seed of poison. If watered and fed, this seed will sprout and spread and devastate. Seeds seem so small until you realize that within them they contain the potential to become huge. So, I will be steadfast to keep the fertile ground of my heart pure.

Spiritually Equipped:

Philippians 4:8 reminds us, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things" (NIV). I must park my mind with the truth and the truth is I am married to an amazing man. He is not perfect and sometimes our marriage can be hard, but I made a commitment to Him in a covenant before God and there are no Biblical reasons in our marriage why we should ever part. Therefore, I've made the decision not to part - in big ways or small.

My friend did the wisest but hardest thing she could have done in telling me about her emotional affair. Not only did it help her to see she needed to flee and have someone else hold her accountable, but it also made me aware and alert to the dangers lurking in any kind of unhealthy emotional connection with another man.

Dear Lord, may I forever treasure my marriage and see it worthy to be protected. Help me to be a courageous woman who absolutely flees from any and every situation where there is even a hint of danger. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Capture His Heart by Lysa TerKeurst

Visit Lysa's blog

"Come hear Lysa speak in Dallas, Texas at the National Christian Book Expo. For more information, click here."

Confessions of an Adulterous Christian Woman: Lies that got me there, Truths that brought me back by Lyndell Hetrick Holtz

The Man You Always Wanted is the One You Already Have by Paula Friedrichsen

Application Steps:

What are some practical ways I can be:

Watching:

Sensitive to the Subtleties:

Spiritually Equipped:

Reflections:

Are there any proactive steps I need to take to guard my heart and protect my marriage today?

Is there any person or any situation I need to flee from?

Power Verses:

Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." (NIV)

© 2009 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Proverbs 31 Ministries

616-G, Matthews-Mint Hill Road

Matthews, NC 28105

www.proverbs31.org

Marriage

How is Your Marriage?

Melissa Taylor

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7 (NASB)

Devotion:

A while ago, I wrote a devotion where I revealed portions of my past that continue to affect my marriage today. I followed that up with another one recounting the struggle I've had being intimate with my husband. I received hundreds of letters from women of all ages who could relate to what I had written. Because I also reported that my marriage was now thriving, I received a lot of questions and concerns:

"How did your marriage go from just surviving to thriving?"

"What if your husband won't go to counseling?"

"I don't love my husband anymore; what do I do?"

"My husband doesn't make me feel good; he doesn't even notice me."

"I'm exhausted from trying to be happy."

"All my husband wants is sex; I'm just too tired."

"What if your husband is not a Christian?"

"That's great for you, but what about me?"

I wish I was equipped to answer these questions. Wouldn't it be nice if we could go to Someone who could answer all of our questions for us? We can.

One thing that helped me was prayer. I know that sounds simple. I also know it's not. It can be difficult to pray and be satisfied with God's response. We need to be committed to receiving what God offers, not just asking for what we want.

For years, I spent my time praying for God to change Jeff, my husband. I blamed Jeff for me not feeling good about myself and my life. I thought:

If he would only pay more attention to me ... then I'd be happy.

If he would just be more romantic ... then I'd be fulfilled.

I wish he understood me.

He loves his work more than me.

I wish he would read the Bible more, or pray with me.

I bought the book, Power of a Praying Wife, certain if I began praying diligently for my husband everything would be fixed. I opened the book, ready to change my husband through prayer. Imagine my surprise when the first thing the author suggested was that I pray for myself! My intentions in reading this book was to change Jeff through my prayers, not to change me. That really opened my eyes. Maybe God didn't want to change my husband; maybe He wanted to change me!

This shifted my focus on what God could do in and through me. Instead of trying to figure out how His Word applied to everyone else (especially Jeff), I focused on how it applied to me. What a difference that made!

As I prayed for myself, I also began praying for Jeff. This time I stayed out of God's way and let Him work in both our hearts. There was not quick, but steady improvement. Looking back to when I first made the decision to focus more on my role in our marriage and less on Jeff's, and compare it to today, it is like night and day.

I am a wife, but even before that I am a child of God. I pray my marriage lasts forever, but I have no guarantee of that. I do have the guarantee that my relationship with Jesus will. That's the relationship I must work on first. Amazingly, when that one is right, the rest falls into place for me. It doesn't mean that all is well, but it means I am well.

The next time you find yourself yearning for more from your marriage and husband, think about this. Instead of asking, "How is my marriage doing?" or "How is my relationship with my husband?" Ask "How am I doing?" or "How is my relationship with Jesus?"

Dear Lord, help me to turn over all of the desires in my heart to You. Work on my relationships, beginning with me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Do You Know Him?

Praying Through the Deeper Issues of Marriage: Protecting Your Relationship So It Will Last a Lifetime by Stormie Omartian

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

Visit Melissa's blog

Application Steps:

Commit to having a daily quiet time with God each day this week.

Reflections:

How can I make a difference in my relationships?

Could it be me who needs to change?

Power Verses:

Galatians 6:9, "So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." (NLT)

Mark 11:24-25, "I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too." (NLT)

© 2009 by Melissa Taylor. All rights reserved.

Proverbs 31 Ministries

616-G, Matthews-Mint Hill Road

Matthews, NC 28105

www.proverbs31.org

God's Miraculous Rescue From Heaven

But then something happened
by John Paul Jackson

A few years ago, I was driving back to Dallas after a business trip in Los Angeles. Traffic was heavy, and a rare California rainstorm opened up. No one slows down for rain in Southern California — they aren’t used to it! As I was entering the 405 Freeway, a car stalled in front of me. I swerved to avoid it, and all of a sudden, cars were swerving and slamming on brakes everywhere. I almost made it out of the melee, but at the last second, I clipped a fender and was instantly jettisoned into the 70-mile-per-hour traffic.

Eight collisions later, I found myself partly wedged beneath a semi truck. Its rear wheels were in my trunk, my engine was sitting beside me, and not one window was left intact in my rental car. And we were still moving — the road and overpass were slick with oil and water from all those weeks without rain. Looking into the truck’s side-view mirror, I could see fear on the driver’s face as he wrestled to get control of an 18-wheeler that now had no rear brakes. I quickly realized the key reason for his fear.

At 70 miles per hour, we were headed for the side rail of the overpass. This overpass was the third one up; there were two others below in this spaghetti-like, high-speed interchange between highways.

The semi and I slammed into the curb. The truck lurched into the air, and my car catapulted like a rocket through the guardrail and down toward the two overpasses below. I could feel the front end of my car dropping in the descent, and it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was going to die. The only uncertainty was how — would the oncoming traffic hit me, or would it be the impact?

But then something happened.

In the blink of an eye, I found myself back on the overpass I had just left. I sat there for a moment, very confused. What had just happened?

I didn’t see this myself, but people who had been traveling near me and had stopped to help claim to have seen a huge hand come out of the sky, grab my car out of the air and set it back down on the overpass. In an accident that should have killed me, I ended up walking away without even a scratch. That in and of itself is an amazing miracle. But it didn’t stop there.

As I began to tell them that they, too, could have God’s hedge of protection, all those people who had seen God save my life knelt down on the freeway shoulder and asked Jesus into their hearts.

He will make it amazing

God took a flawed, frightening situation and made it something great. As you can imagine, that was an incredibly chaotic moment! It was literally spinning out of control. But somehow, in the midst of everything seemingly going wrong, God knew what He was doing. He did what He wanted to do and changed everything. He birthed calm. He birthed order. He saved my life. He created a “but-then-something-happened” moment, and the end result was glorious, in several different ways.

A.W. Tozer writes in his book The Pursuit of God: “The Word of God is quick and powerful. In the beginning He spoke to nothing, and it became something. Chaos heard it and became order; darkness heard it and became light.”

In the study of chaos and something called chaos theory, what you find is that chaos always results in a grander design coming forth. Therefore, chaos typically isn’t “chaos” per se: It is an order that is grander than we are able to recognize. In other words, as backward as it seems, chaos is one of the best things that can happen to us.

Obviously, however, this brings up some questions: “Why? Why would God allow something like that? Why would He deliberately allow things to go so wrong?”

It wasn’t as if I enjoyed the thought of imminent death that day. But God somehow made the experience worthwhile. In fact, He made it amazing.

I know that no matter what you’re going through, this is what He wants to do in your life, too. He wants to make it amazing. It may not go the way you wanted it to go (I thought I was going to get home on time). It may not look the way you thought it was supposed to look (I was expecting another long, uneventful trip home). But if you’re willing to sit back and enjoy God in the middle of the wild ride you’re on, you will see His goodness again and again and again. It will change you — and not just you but the people around you, too.

God’s promise

My goal in all of this is to look at what’s going on and be able to recognize that a grander design is coming — and that design will be better than anything I could have built or planned. That is the one and only way to find peace in difficult circumstances. God is in control, and therefore, this way will be better.

We have the promise of Romans 8:28: “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” God didn’t say this flippantly. He truly meant it. Take some time to think about that, to let it soak down into your soul and perhaps change your thought processes. You will see light again on the other side of hardship. That’s what His Word says.

Key points:

Chaos is one of the best things that can happen to you.

God can work all things to the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

Trust God today, and watch what He will do for you tomorrow.

Trust is vital to intimacy with Jesus.

He can make your circumstances amazing.

Website: www.streamsministries.com

Be Fit For His Glory!

Stay Alive All Your Life
By Abraham Israel

Action is necessary to defeat the daily assaults of doubts, hesitation, fear, worry and Spiritual depression; all of which block the road to complete fulfillment.

We should have faith and the power of positive thinking along with the action done below. Jesus himself said, "I am come that you might have life, and that you might have it more abundantly." (John 10:10, Personalized).

First agree with the will of God and say now, 'It is the will of God for me to stay fit and alive and have healthy life by enjoying the abundant life through Jesus Christ, who has given me self control and discipline as a gift to achieve excellence and glorify Him on earth.'

We should be engaged daily in the 'professional people of the art formula' for progress. In fact, it believes there can be no formula, there can be hones trials. Trials based on experience. Trials charged by vision. Trials driven by dreams.

I'd like to encourage you to broaden your view of exercise, and to think of it as an ongoing journey rather than a means to get to one specific destination. Fitness has so much more to offer than a simple change in appearance.

Study after study shows a correlation between regular physical activity and a reduction in cardio vascular disease, colon cancer, type 2 (adult one) diabetes, breast cancer and osteoporosis, in addition to obesity.

"...Workouts in the gymnasium are [very] useful [as long as we live in this earth], but a disciplined life in God is far more so [because the spiritual exercise will help you achieve fitness in the physical though self-control and discipline], making you fit both today and forever." (1 Tim 4:8, The Message).

True success and lasting weight loss can only occur as you discipline yourself and develop self-control by the power of the Holy Spirit. Even now ask the Holy Spirit, 'Holy Spirit you are my helper, help me discipline my self and develop self-control in Jesus name. Amen.' Holy Spirit is your personal trainer who has been sent to you by Jesus, to help you live the abundant life that has been given to you already. This art of living life that we learn through the Holy Spirit, will help us experience this reality of enjoying this abundant life everyday. Through God's help you can stay fit but only if you are able to make this exercise a lifelong habit.

Schedule exercise as you would any other important appointment. If you have 30-60 minutes work out on your calender at least four times a week, you'll be on your way to better health- and a slimmer body. Champions are champions because of one single factor persistence. Say, 'I am a champion in Christ Jesus because of the empowerment of the Holy Spirit upon me.'

Taking the first step is easy. It is sustaining the pace that is difficult. One step at a time is a better approach, and a practical too (Matt 6:34). You really need the constant strength of the Holy Spirit to sustain yourself and be effective in this life. So always when ever you need help, ask the Holy Spirit who is your personal trainer as long as you live in this earth.

All the aerobics and weight training are all part of the work out.


Aerobics

1. Swimming

2. Jogging & Walking

3. Cycling

4. Step-Up and Step-Down Climbing

5. Mountaineering.

6. All sports activities and games such as basket ball, volley ball, tennis, cricket, football...etc.

7. Stretching and dancing.


Weight Training

Chest Dumbbell Exercises

Flat Chest Presses

1. Lying flat on bench, hold the dumbbells directly above chest, arms extended.

2. Lower dumbbells to chest in a controlled manner.

3. Press dumbbells back to starting position and repeat.

4. Avoid locking elbows.


Incline Chest Presses


1. Adjust bench to an incline of 30 to 45 degrees.


2. Repeat as above.





Flat Chest Flies

1. Lying flat on bench, hold dumbbells directly above chest.

2. Bend elbows slightly and maintain throughout the exercise.

3. Open arms to sides. Elbows should remain 'locked' in a slightly flexed position.

4. When upper arms are parallel to floor, return the weights to the starting position and repeat.


Incline Chest Flies


1. Adjust bench to an incline of 30 to 45 degrees.


2. Repeat as above.

Shoulder Dumbbell Exercises

Seated Shoulder Presses

1. Sit upright on bench with dumbbells over head. Make sure back is flat.

now, 2. Lower dumbbells slowly to shoulders.

3. When arms are at 90 degrees, press the dumbbells back up and repeat.


Lateral Raises

1. Stand upright, knees slightly bent, shoulder width apart, holding dumbbells at sides.

2. Bend elbows slightly and raise the dumbbells out to sides. Keep elbows slightly bent throughout.

3. When arms are parallel to floor, slowly lower back and repeat.


Reverse Flies

1. Sit on edge of bench, feet flat on the floor. Bend over so chest is almost resting on thighs.

2. Hold dumbbells next to feet and bend arms slightly. Open arms out keeping elbows bent.

3. When arms are parallel to floor, slowly lower dumbbells back.


Front Raises

1. Stand upright, knees slightly bent, shoulder width apart. Palms should be towards thighs.

2. Raise one dumbbell directly in front of you.

3. When arm is parallel to ground lower dumbbell slowly back. Repeat with the other arm.

Back Dumbbell Exercises

Dead Lifts

1. Stand upright, feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent.

2. Bend lower back and knees to lower the weights down your legs. Back must remain flat, lower back should be arched inwards slightly. Keep head up throughout exercise.

3. Stand upright using lower back and legs, maintaining flat back and keeping your head up.


Single Arm Row

1. Stand upright next to bench. Place one knee and hand on bench. Upper body should be parallel to floor.

2. Hold one dumbbell with arm extended.

3. Raise dumbbell up to your midsection keeping back still throughout movement.

4. Slowly lower dumbbell to start position and repeat. After desired number of reps repeat for other arm.


Lying Bent Over Rows

1. Lie face down on a flat or slightly inclined bench. Hold two dumbbells and let arms hang down.

2. Pull dumbbells up towards chest.

3. Slowly lower dumbbells back down and repeat.

Trapezius Dumbbell Exercises

Upright Rows

1. Stand upright, feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent.

2. Keeping dumbbells close to body, raise them to chin.

3. Hold for a count of 2 and slowly lower to start position and repeat.




Shrugs

1. Stand upright, feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent.

2. Keeping arms straight 'shrug' shoulders as high as possible and hold for a count of 3.

3. Relax and repeat.

4. Do not roll shoulders backwards as you shrug up.

Biceps Dumbbell Exercises

Decline Seated Bicep Curls

1. Adjust bench to a 45 degree incline.

2. Hold dumbbells at sides. Arms should be fully extended.

3. Keep elbows close to body and curl weight up by bending elblows.

4. Slowly lower dumbbells and repeat.




Hammer curls

1. Stand upright with dumbells at sides.

2. Turn palms inward so they face body.

3. Curl dumbbells up slowly keeping your elbows close to sides.





Preacher Curls

1. Set bench so back rest is approx 45 degrees.

2. Stand behind the bench. Holding dumbbell rest back of upper arm on back rest, arm fully extended.

3. Keep back of upper arm against back rest and curl dumbbell up towards face.

4. Slowly lower dumbbell until arm is not quite fully extended and repeat for desired number of reps before switching arms.


Concentration Curls

1. Sit on edge of bench with feet flat on the floor.

2. Holding dumbbell place elbow on inside of thigh, just above knee.

3. Curl dumbbell up towards your face. Do not swing back as you lift the weight.

4. Slowly lower the weight and repeat for desired number of reps before switching arms.

Triceps Dumbbell Exercises

Overhead Triceps Extensions

1. Stand upright, feet shoulder width apart.

2. Hold dumbbell directly above head with arm fully extended. Clasp elbow with free hand for support.

3. Slowly let elbow fold so dumbbell is lowered behind head. 4. Extend arm back to starting position. Repeat for the desired number of reps and switch arms.

French Presses

1. Lie flat on bench. Hold dumbbells directly above chest with palms facing each other. Dumbbells should be just about touching each other.

2. Keeping your shoulders locked, let your elbows fold so dumbbells are lowered down to either side of head.

3. Extend both your arms back to start position and repeat.


Triceps Kickbacks

1. Stand upright next to bench. Place one arm and leg on bench. Upper body should be parallel to ground.

2. Holding dumbbell raise elbow so upper arm is parallel to ground. Elbow should be bent at right angles.

3. Extend elbow so entire arm is parallel to ground.

4. Slowly return to start position and repeat for desired number of reps before changing arms.

Leg Dumbbell Exercises

Half Squats

1. Holding dumbbells at sides, stand upright with your feet shoulder width apart.

2. Bend from knees until thighs are almost parallel to the ground (avoid letting knees turn inwards).

3. Keep back flat, lower back slightly arched inwards and head up.

4. Return to upright position and repeat.


Dumbbell Lunges

1. Holding dumbbells at sides, stand upright with feet slightly less than shoulder width apart.

2. Step forward about 2 feet with one foot and bend knee to about 90 degrees. As you plant your foot bend trailing knee so it nearly touches floor.

3. Push off with front foot to return to starting position.

4. Repeat for the desired number of reps and change legs.

Calf Dumbbell Exercises

Single Leg Calf Presses

1. Set the back rest to upright position. Holding dumbbell in one hand at side, place other hand on top of bench for support.
2. Stand on one foot on edge of bench frame.
3. Stand up on tip toe using free hand to balance yourself. Do not to push yourself up with your hand.
4. Slowly lower yourself to the ground and repeat for desired number of reps before changing legs.


Seated Calf Raises

1. Sit on the edge of the bench, feet flat on the floor about 12 inches apart.

2. Rest dumbells on thighs while keeping hold of them.

3. While staying seated raise heels by just using toes.

4. Lower your heels to the ground and repeat.

As you you keep exercising, never forget to remember, 'Winners never quit, Quitters never win.'

Glorious Freedom

The Author's Story

I first saw pornography in grade school in magazines my friends had. Soon after seeing those magazines I started a masturbation habit. In high school, I experienced the typical teen hormones and often allowed my mind to fantasize about girls. I also pursued physical relationships with girls.

In college I continued to seek porn sources. My relationship with my girlfriend at the time was deeply affected by the porn I had seen. I was soon consumed with the desire for sex and allowed lust to control my mind. Since I did well academically and had an attractive girlfriend, my pride became an additional foothold for the devil. After college I entered the military, and delved further into pornography in its various forms. I also continued to pursue sexual relationships with women.

I thought that getting married would help me break my porn and masturbation habits. I was wrong. I remember my heart racing with adrenaline as I purchased porn mags from the local convenience store, slightly fearful that I might see someone from church. At the time, I was a group leader for the youth ministry, but the fear of being caught wasn't enough to keep me from buying porn. After enjoying the porn for a few days, I would throw it away in shame and disgust, resolving never to look at it again. After a few weeks, I'd be back looking for more. It never brought satisfaction, but only a burning desire for more.

When I got connected to the internet, a whole new dimension of temptations hit me. Suddenly I could visit porn sites freely and secretly, anytime I wanted. The internet offered just about anything imaginable in porn, and I found myself looking regularly. I would plan times to surf for porn when my wife was away or after she went to bed. My addiction was steadily consuming me. I knew I had to stop, but didn't know how to do so.

I knew that God had been calling me back to a relationship with him. I felt the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart and conscience. I started to recognize the deceptive "double life" I was leading: church-going Christian on the outside, sex addict on the inside. I knew it was wrong to look at porn and fantasize about sex, but it seemed too difficult to stop. I could go for 2 or 3 months of "sobriety" before falling again. It seemed like an endless cycle.

The truth about my situation was that I had been building a stronghold for sexual sin for many years by looking at porn, fantasizing and masturbating. This stronghold had become virtually invincible. The images I had viewed over the years were causing my memories to be a constant source of temptation. My porn habit was weakening my marriage and damaging our sex life. I was becoming more excited about looking at porn than being with my wife.

One night in July 1998 at around 2 AM, I could not sleep. I felt a strong prompting to ask God for help in getting free of my sex addiction. Instead of going in to the computer to surf for porn, I went to the living room and got on my knees to pray. I confessed my sin and desire to be free. I asked for God to forgive me and help me. This prayer was a sincere prayer, unlike the many half-hearted prayers I had offered in the past. Though there were no peals of thunder after I prayed, I was able to return to bed and sleep. The next day, I realized that something had changed inside me! God had done a wonderful work in me - I was different - somehow God changed me such that I could resist the urges to view porn and masturbate. I have been completely free of sex addiction since that night!

During the years since then, God has taught me how to walk in sexual purity. I learned about the spiritual side of sexual sin and other temptations. I learned how to receive healing from God and walk with him on a daily basis. I learned how the Holy Spirit plays a key role in helping us live as new persons in Christ. I've written about all of these things in the pages of this website in order to help others escape the snare of sex addiction and walk in victory that God has prepared for them.

If you are struggling with a sexual addiction, I want you to know that you too can have freedom. God is the one who can give you reliable help to permanently break addiction. There is no limit to the ways that God can and will move in your life if you ask him to. Visit our Freedom Testimonials page to read what God is doing in peoples' lives right now.

Sincerely,

Paul

Website: www.porn-free.org

Footsteps

Who's Following in Your Footsteps? - by Dr. J. Vernon McGee - www.gather.com

Wisdom is better than weapons of war: but one sinner destroyeth much good. (Ecclesiastes 9:18)

There is a tremendous influence exerted by the life of one individual. And the influence is more potent when it is in the wrong direction. History bears this out. Adam sinned and his sin has affected the entire race of mankind. Achan sinned, and because of him an entire nation went down in defeat. Rehoboam’s sin split the kingdom of Israel. The sin of Ananias and Sapphira brought the first defect into the early church, and from that day on the church has not been as potent as it was in the beginning.

You and I have an influence, either for good or for bad. No matter who you are, you occupy a place of influence. “For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself” (Romans 14:7). My friend, all of us are preachers. You are preaching to those around you by the life that you live.

I personally believe that the do-gooder, the man who boasts of his moral life apart from God is the greatest detriment. He actually stands in the way; he blocks the way to God because his message is, “Live like I do. I live without God. I just do good.” There is nothing quite as deadening as that.

You are a preacher, whoever you are. It may be in a very small circle, but you are affecting someone. You are a preacher in your own home. This reminds me of a father who kept a jug of whiskey hidden in the corn crib. It was his habit to go out there every morning and get himself a drink. On a snowy morning he went out to the barn as was his habit, but this time he heard someone behind him. He turned around and found that it was his little son following him, stepping in the footsteps in the snow where his father had walked. The father asked, “What are you doing, son?” The boy answered, “I’m following in your footsteps.” He sent the boy back into the house, and then he went out to the corn crib and smashed that jug of whiskey. He realized that he didn’t want his boy to be following in his footsteps. Someone in your home is following in your footsteps. Where are you leading him?

You may be influencing a wide circle of human society. You may have influence in your neighborhood and in your community. You have influence in your Sunday school. Somebody is looking at you and watching to see whether or not you mean business with God. Does your going to church mean anything more to you than going to a drive-in to pick up a hamburger? Does your life suggest that there is a heaven to gain and a hell to shun? You have influence.

You remember that Peter preached a mighty sermon on the Day of Pentecost. Andrew just sat on the sidelines and could say, “That is my brother. I brought him to Christ.” That was Andrew’s influence. You, today, are pointing men to heaven or to hell. Now, if you want to go to hell, that’s your business, but you have no right to lead a little boy there. You have no right to lead your family and those who surround you there. Even if you want to go, it’s awful to lead others. Influence – “One sinner destroyeth much good.” Think about it.

Courage

Take courage!

Greg Laurie

www.worldnetdaily.com

Have you ever been discouraged? Have you ever felt as though your life were a failure? Have you ever been frightened about the future?

If so, you're not alone. None other than the great Apostle Paul experienced discouragement. In addition to hardships like shipwrecks, imprisonments and beatings, Paul had also died and came to life again. In speaking of this experience, the Bible tells us that he saw things he could not even repeat to others. He was caught up into a literal paradise. Paul had a new point of reference. And as a result, he became relatively fearless.

So Paul, ignoring the potential dangers of returning to Jerusalem after his missionary journeys, made his way there anyway. And sure enough, he was arrested and incarcerated ... again. You might say that Paul's middle name could have been trouble. It was always something with the great apostle. And it would appear from the circumstances that he was discouraged. He was concerned about his future. So the Bible tells us that "the following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, 'Take courage!'" (Acts 23:11 NIV). It doesn't get much lower than a first-century Roman dungeon. Yet Jesus was saying, "Paul, take courage."

Courage seems to be in short supply in this day and age. Courage, also known as bravery, will and fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. Physical courage is bravery in the face of physical pain, hardship or even the threat of death. Courage is something that flies against logic at times. To be courageous is to overcome suffering. Mark Twain said that courage is the mastery of fear, not the absence of fear.

Some of us know people who are not necessarily courageous, but just a few clowns short of a circus. They usually have nicknames like Animal or Psycho. And, they are usually guys – not girls (who just know better) – most of whom are no longer with us. When I was a kid, it seemed like we always had one friend who was willing to do anything. He was the one who would always try something first, who would jump first, who would take the risk first. But that is not necessarily courage. It may just be stupidity.

Courage is overcoming your fear in the face of adversity. And we have all seen courage on display. Firefighters and those in law enforcement have to muster up courage each and every day as they put their lives on the line. Certainly our military personnel must also have courage on a daily basis to do the job they are called to do: protecting our freedom around the world.

But then there is moral courage, and that is important as well. Moral courage is the willingness to stand up for what is right. And it takes courage to do the right thing today. We are living in a time when it is not popular to say that God's definition of marriage is a man and a woman, not a man and a man or a woman and a woman. We are living in a time when it is not popular to say that life begins at conception, not at birth, and that every child, regardless of the circumstances of his or her conception, ought to have a right to live. That is not the popular thing to say. It takes courage to stand up for those things.

It takes courage to honor your marriage vows today, because there is so much pressure to abandon your marriage at the first sign of difficulty or to trade in your mate for a newer model when you find someone more attractive. But you made a vow that you would take your husband or wife for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part – or presumably something close to this promise.

It also takes courage today as a single person to remain sexually pure and wait until you meet that right person and commit your life to him or her in marriage.

We need courage today. But where do we get it? We find, from a number of examples in the Bible, that God's power gives courage. He has all the power you will need to face whatever you will face. He won't necessarily give you the power before you need it. And He won't give you the power after you need it. But you can be certain that he will give you all the power you need when you need it.

His presence also gives courage. The Bible tells the story of the disciples making their way across the Sea of Galilee when a storm came along, as it often did. They began to panic and thought they were going to die. So Jesus came to them, walking on the water, but they were terrified, thinking it was a ghost. How easily Jesus could have rebuked them. But instead he reassured them and told them to be of good courage. So we learn that God's presence – knowing he is there – gives courage.

And that is what helped Paul. He was not alone. The Bible tells us "the Lord stood near Paul" (Acts 23:11 NIV). We don't read of the local Christians coming to his aid at this point. In fact, there were a number of occasions when people let Paul down. In his last epistle, he wrote, "At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me" (2 Timothy 4:16 NIV). Have you ever felt that way – as though everyone has abandoned you? Your friends let you down. Your family let you down. Maybe your husband or your wife let you down. Sometimes we falsely believe that God has let us down, too.

This is why, instead of looking to people for answers, we need to look to God. Because ultimately, it will come down to this: God is with you, even if others have forsaken you. Even more, God loves you. There is no greater proof of that love he has for you than in the fact that he sent his very Son to die on the cross for your sin. And your troubles, though unexpected to you, come as no surprise to God. God was more than aware of Paul's situation, and he is more than aware of yours. He knows where you are. He knows what you are going through. He knows what you need.

God had a future for Paul, and God has a future for you as well. So take courage!

Not Alone

Believe it: You are not alone!

Greg Laurie

www.worldnetdaily.com

Have you ever felt discouraged as a Christian? Have you ever felt that your life has been a failure? Does your stomach ever feel tied in knots as you think about an uncertain future?

Well, take heart! You're not the first child of God to feel this way. In fact, it may surprise you to know that none other than the great apostle Paul seemed to be struggling with these very same problems. Paul found himself stuck in a Roman prison because of his faithfulness to preach the Gospel.

But in spite of his unjust arrest and imprisonment, something wonderful happened for Paul. One night, Jesus Himself came to pay him a visit. Here's how Luke describes the scene in the Book of Acts:

But the following night the Lord stood by him and said, "Be courageous, Paul; for as you have testified for Me in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness at Rome."
–Acts 23:11, NKJV

God had not, nor would He, abandon Paul. And He won't abandon you, either. Even though the local Christians couldn't (or wouldn't) help him in his distressing circumstance, the Lord had come to visit him. Later, in his last epistle, Paul wrote, "Everyone abandoned me" (2 Timothy 4:16, NLT). Have you ever felt that way? Abandoned, forgotten, forsaken? Know this: God has not abandoned you! The Lord is with you. And He can compensate, by His own loving presence, for every earthly loss.

C. H. Spurgeon said, "If all else forsook him, Jesus was company enough. If all others despised him, the smile of Jesus was approval enough. If the good cause seemed to be in danger, in the presence of his Master victory was sure. The Lord who has stood for him at the cross now stood for him in the prison. It was a dungeon, but the Lord was there; it was dark, but the glory of the Lord lit it up with Heaven's own splendor. Better to be in a jail with the Lord than to be anywhere else without Him."

No matter what you are going through right now, know this: You are not alone. God is there with you, wanting to bring encouragement to you.

And here's another huge infusion of comfort from Acts 23:11. The Lord revealed to the great apostle that He knew exactly what was going on in his life – right down to the details. Jesus called Paul by name, knew where Paul was, knew where Paul was headed, and knew that His faithful servant was feeling more than a little anxiety about it all. Just because Paul was in a prison didn't mean that God had lost track of him.

There is a story of a minister who came to see John Bunyan, the minister who wrote the great classic "Pilgrim's Progress" from a prison cell. He told Bunyan, "Friend, the Lord sent me to you, and I have been seeking for you in half the prisons in England."

"No, that cannot be," Bunyan. "For if the Lord had sent you to me, you would have come here at once, for He knows I have been here for years." Jesus is there with us in our "prisons," as well. For some people, it is a literal jail cell, because they've broken the law and have to serve their time. Yet, as they have sought the Lord and asked for His forgiveness, Jesus is with them there in that prison cell.

Maybe you are in a different kind of prison right now – the prison of a hospital bed. You'd love to get up and just walk out, but you can't. Yet Jesus is there in that hospital room, convalescent home or room of your home, saying, "Be courageous. You are not alone, and I am fully aware of your suffering."

Or it might be a prison cell of mourning, because of the loss of a loved one through death. (I know about that now personally.) Whatever or wherever your prison is, Jesus is there with you now.

And Jesus also knows what lies ahead for you. That is why He came to Paul in this hour of need, because He knew he would need this additional perspective. As a prisoner of Rome, Paul wasn't privy to what was going on all around him at this point. He didn't know that there was effectively a contract out on his life, which was comprised of 40 men who had taken an oath not to eat or drink until they had killed him!

Yes, sometimes, ignorance can be bliss. Many times, it's really a good thing that we don't know all that is swirling around us in both the supernatural and natural realms. The truth is, God reveals to us as much as we need to know, when we need to know it.

He won't tell you more then you need to know, and He certainly won't give you less then you need, but just enough.

The military has a term it uses for sensitive information. If it is necessary for you to be aware of something, it's on a "need-to-know basis." For instance, a subordinate may ask his commanding officer about certain details on a certain mission, to which the CO might respond, "Soldier, that's on a need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know!"

In the same way, God gives us what we "need to know" when we need to know it.

Here's a final quote from Spurgeon that should bring hope to any Christian facing a trial:

"The Lord knows all about your troubles before they come to you; He anticipates them by His tender foresight. Before Satan can draw the bow, the preserver of men will put His beloved beyond the reach of the arrow. Before the weapon is forged in the furnace, and prepared on the anvil, He knows how to provide us with armor of proof which shall blunt the edge of the sword and break the point of the spear."

No matter what the enemy of your soul may tell you, no matter what your own heart might tell you, you are not alone, and you are never, ever hidden from the watchful, loving eye of your Lord and Savior.

Christian Sex Views

Christian Views on Sex

Christian views on sex are varied and extreme! What we must be careful to discern, is the difference between what the Bible actually says about sex and sexuality, and what our particular background and upbringing may teach us.

How Do We Know What's Okay?!

“Wouldn't it be nice to have a list of sexual practices categorized by "sinful" or "okay"? Is there such a list? Would everyone agree with the list? Is there a solution to this dilemma?

We think the answers to those questions are: yes, no, no, and probably not—in that order.”
--Melissa and Louis McBurney, M.D

Believe me when I say there are many different Christian views on sex and sexual practices, and on what is biblically acceptable! As stated in the above quote, we are not going to find any complete list! What we will find, however, are:

• commands from God’s Word—let’s call them the Thou Shalt Nots; and,
• principles that are universally true in their application, and can be used by individual couples to help them decide their Christian views on sex for themselves.

1. Thou Shalt Nots: Commands!
   Christian views on sex must be formed by what the Bible says. The Bible is very straightforward regarding certain prohibitions that, if obeyed, place a clear fence of protection around the marriage union and the sanctity of God’s design for sexuality between a husband and wife. Let’s look at them:

   God plainly forbids adultery (having sex with someone other than your spouse) and calls it sin. In addition, the Bible forbids fornication (sexual promiscuity or having sex outside of marriage) as sinful as well. God’s prohibitions to us are not intended as limitations to our freedom; they are protections to our well being. Slapping the hand of an infant reaching toward a hydro receptacle would not be called limiting the child’s fun and curiosity: it would represent a responsible parent protecting her young child from certain injury! So it is with God’s "Thou Shalt Nots". They protect us from certain moral, physical, and emotional danger.

   In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5,6,7), Jesus taught us that outward actions (like adultery and fornication) stem from an inner motivation of our heart. Jesus than showed us that lustful thoughts about a woman who is not your wife, constituted adultery from God’s perspective!! Christian views on sex are not based on public opinion, but on God's Word.

   Other sexual sins that are specifically listed in Scripture include homosexuality, bestiality, and incest (Leviticus 18, Romans 1:21-32, 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, and a Corinthians 6:12-20).

2. The One and Only Principle refers to the sacred covenant between husband and wife that constitutes the bedrock of their relationship. Saying to your spouse, “You are my one and only love in this life!” develops trust and commitment. Since intimacy is the element that guarantees sexual satisfaction, it will not be developed unless a high degree of commitment is invested in the marriage. Unfaithfulness of any kind erodes this key element. Basically, the Christian views on sex are summed up with: one man and one woman, for life!

3. The Back to Basics Principle also reminds us of God’s design in terms of the physiology of sex. God made husbands and wives to enjoy each other sexually! Check the plumbing, and you will discover that intercourse between the man’s penis and the woman’s vagina is the foundation of sex!

   Whatever sexual practices couples may enjoy, the Back to Basics Principle reminds couples that genital union should be a regular part of lovemaking.

4. The Hooked On You Principle will force out of your life any form of sexuality or sensuality that is not directly targeted toward your spouse. Sex is a pleasure-bond that keeps a husband and wife close to each other. Anything they do, or anything they see that draws them away from each other, or makes them dependent on anything except their spouse, must be eliminated from their marriage! Pornography, sexual behaviors, internet chat rooms, fetishes, fantasies, or imaginations that become habit forming, draw couples away from each other.



5. The Good For Both Principle reminds us that every practice in a sexual relationship must be “good for both” spouses. Hey, sex was meant to be fun and feel good for both husband and wife! If, for example, the husband wants to try something different during their lovemaking (let’s say “oral sex”), but that isn’t pleasurable for his wife, he needs to chill, practice restraint, and drop the request!

   For this principle, conscience is a keyword. We should never expect our partner to violate their conscience.
   
   

6. The Give and Take Principle addresses the huge differences between the basic “sexual wiring” of men and woman. Some wives may be totally satisfied by hugging, snuggling, and enjoying pure romance with their husbands, and could even do without sex all together! For the basic needs of some women, sex may rank somewhere near #26, just after gardening! Men, well…they’re different.

   Men’s basic needs usually consist of air, food, and sex (No, I’m just kidding—they can often do without food!) Given the differing sexual desires and appetites between men and women, it follows that sex is often the cause of much friction in a marriage.

   The solution to the differences is two fold:

   • focus on pleasing your spouse (the Good for Both Principle), and
   • also practice compromising or “giving in” whenever you can to the desires of your spouse (the Give and Take Principle).

     For example, let's say a wife’s conscience is bothered by her husband’s request for oral sex. The couple needs to determine if this is a matter of conscience because of her upbringing, or because of a biblical example or principle. It may be the couple discovers that trying oral sex is not a moral or biblical issue—but a hesitation because of her background. If the couple together agree to try a compromise position, then, some hesitation toward oral sex might be alleviated for the wife if her husband wore a condom.

Christian views on sex must be shaped by adherence to the clear biblical commmands, as well as attention to the general principles present in the Bible. For every couple’s unique situations, the principles of Give and Take must be balanced with Good for Both.

Website: www.the-intimate-couple.com