WISDOM FOR RELATIONSHIPS
A believer marrying an unbeliever is what the apostle Paul calls being "unequally yoked" (2 Cor. 6:14). This is a perfectly clear admonition, yet it never ceases to amaze me how many ways otherwise clear-headed believers find to rationalize their decision to marry an unbeliever. Here are a few that I hear often:
"He's not a Christian, but he sure is a nice guy." Even nice guys won't make it to Heaven without Jesus. An unbeliever cannot be of the same spirit with a believer because they are not even on the same road together.
"He's a better gentleman than most Christians I've dated." Polite and respectful behavior is important, but over the long-term will not compensate for the absence of spiritual oneness.
"He's not a Christian because he doesn't want to be a hypocrite." Would he stop going to his bank just because one of the tellers turned out to be a crook? This is merely an excuse to avoid being around believers where he might hear the gospel and get saved.
"He wants our children to go to my church. That's why I like him." Children in a home where one parent is a believer and one is not often grow up spiritually confused: "Why do I have to go to church? Daddy doesn't go." This is a recipe for trouble.
"We have so much in common other than religion." At the most basic and fundamental level--the spiritual level--a believer and an unbeliever have nothing in common. The superficial commonalities are inadequate to sustain a relationship with no common spiritual center.
"I think he's open. Maybe I can witness to him on our dates." Here's the sober, point-blank truth I share with those who rationalize this way: "If he won't change to get you, he won't change to keep you. Once you've lowered your standards to win him, what grounds do you have to try to raise them again afterwards?"
"I told him he had to be a Christian, so he accepted Christ." If he was sincere, fine, but this raises a question of motivation. Did he "accept Christ" because he knew he needed to be saved, or because he wanted you? Did you tell him he had to be a Christian because you were concerned about his spiritual condition or because you were recruiting a spouse?
Some believers start to panic if they reach a certain age and have not married and see no prospects in sight. Their fear drives them to lower their standards, so that they jump at the first "reasonable" candidate who comes along and shows some interest. A believer and an unbeliever have no basis for spiritual intimacy.
No matter how much we try to rationalize, a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever will always be incomplete because the most essential aspect of a total marriage is lost when there is no spiritual union. A believer and an unbeliever have no basis for spiritual intimacy. In this case, discerning the right life partner should be pretty clear. For a believer, an unbeliever is not the right choice for a mate. It's that simple.
- DR. MYLES MUNROE is respected internationally as an author, lecturer, teacher, coach, and leadership mentor. He has published numerous best-selling books including: Understanding Your Potential, The Purpose and Power of Love and Marriage, and Rediscovering the Kingdom. He is founder, president, and senior pastor of Bahamas Faith Ministries International, based in Nassau, Bahamas. He and his wife, Ruth, have two children, Charisa and Myles "Chairo" Jr.
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